5 Steps to Confidence & Self Esteem

Posted: 21st Jan

5 Steps to Confidence & Self Esteem


Confidence is one of those attributes that we rarely talk about and yet it plays a crucial role in our lifetime success and happiness.

For many, confidence is one of those crucial attributes we are either have or don’t have – it is mostly left up to the individual to somehow develop themselves.

So how do you get confidence?

In a nutshell, confidence is simply a conversation we have with ourselves about our likelihood of success in any given activity.  When we experience self-doubt, we are having a conversation with ourselves about failure in the given activity.

Remember – any time you take on something you haven’t done before you may experience a lack of confidence – however, when this feeling actually hampers our ability to perform that is when we need to take notice.

The following are 5 easy steps that can assist you in getting that confidence when you need it.

Step 1. Make a commitment to do something about it.

Getting confidence will not happen by accident, you are the one who has to take responsibility to build your confidence.

You will never learn to surf by watching a surfing program on TV. You have to take on the challenge to build your confidence skills in the areas you lack confidence.

In other words, you have to do the things you “think” you don’t like to do until you don’t have to “think” about doing them.

Fear will never go away by itself until you have mastered whatever it is that you fear.  Instead of imagining failure (anything you fear about the future is imagined), focus upon the one thing in the activity that you can do and imagine you successfully completing that one thing.

For instance, you might be scared of public speaking – but you are passionate about surfing.  So instead of thinking about how the audience will be evaluating your speech – focus upon describing your last surf in detail!  Notice how just changing the way you imagine things changes the way you feel – and hence, your confidence!

Step 2. Take a planned challenge

So what situations have you feeling self-doubt?

While your list may be quite extensive there is probably one or two primary areas that have you feel most uncomfortable.

Your task is to take a planned challenge in that area. For example, if it is public speaking you might challenge yourself to join a public speaking group, give a speech to your favourite teacher or group of friends.

Essentially, you can do anything so long as it challenges you to step into an area you are normally lacking confidence with the highest likelihood of succeeding.

Whatever the area you lack confidence, there is something small you can do each week to build your confidence that you can succeed.

Step 3. Get a coach

Each of us have numerous people we can call on who can support and offer constructive advice when we need it.

Whether you ask your favourite teacher, friend, parent or guardian or even a professional counsellor, having someone to support you and discuss the hard issues is always a very good idea.

Step 4. Acknowledge your achievements

One of the issues that often confront unconfident people is that they tend to focus more on what is not going right rather than what is.

You will also recognise that whenever you are doing this your feelings and mood will deteriorate.

Make a conscious effort to recognise where you mind is focussing and if it is negative, then to refocus on all the things that are going right. You may find that this is difficult.

This is because you have probably spent a lot of time practicing looking at the negative. Most of us have.

Just like going to the gym – going once doesn’t do anything. You have to be a regular.

Step 5. Eliminate toxic people

This step is a big one for many people who find that they tend to be around people who put them down or make them feel bad.

Your task is to evaluate the people you have around you and take one of the following actions:

Talk to them about how what they say to you is hurtful or not productive and that you’d like them to change; or
Choose not to hang around those people who put you down all the time or foster that self-doubt in you.

Just remember, there is no surer way of getting confidence than going out of your way to get it.